Life.

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Step by step, day by day.  Kids, sports, school, work, cleaning, car repairs, TAXES (STUPID IRS LOL), marriage and the rest of life.  Last night I slept on the couch I was so angry with my husband.  Well thats not totally fair.  I’m LIVID with my mother in law.  I thought men were supposed to have mother in laws from hell.  Not wives.

My parents took on my step daughter as their own grandchild when I married my husband.  She was the moment we got married a part of this family.  My parents would never ‘not include her’ because she isn’t REALLY their grandchild.  She became their grandchild when we got married.  Right?  One would think.

My husbands mother informed me a couple months ago that she is giving the grandkids, (there are three of them) graduation gifts of a trip to Hawaii.  I thought how exciting for my husbands daughter, my son and my sister in laws son!  Awesome.  OH no!  I was quickly put into place that my son from my first husband isn’t her grandchild and my son would not be going.   I  was hurt.  Livid.  Pissed.  You name it.  I decided to blow it off.  Whatever.  I went through a phase of being pissed at my husband for not calling his mom out on his shitty-ness.   He just said “well he really isn’t their grandchild”.  Fine whatever.  I let it go.   However, I can’t seem to get angry without acting like a child so I decided I wouldn’t invite them to his graduation.  He isn’t their grandchild.   I know, two wrongs don’t make a right but I was hurt.   My son and my husbands daughter go to different high schools.  Well fast forward two months… to now.  My step daughter has dropped out of school, moved in with her boyfriend, written everyone off and basically gives us the big fuck you when anyone tries to talk to her.  So last night was a normal night.  Dinner, homework with all the kids, mellow, NORMAL.  When the phone rings.  It is my mother in law.  She has decided that because they already bought the ticket they are still going to take my step daughter to Hawaii.  Blood shot to my head.  My step daughter has done nothing but lie, steal, cheat, manipulate, drop out of school, get knocked up you name it and we are going to go and reward her anyway?!?!?  NOT TO MENTION here is my son who COULD use the ticket (which isn’t why I’m mad don’t misunderstand) who is graduating on time getting good grades and then going off to the Navy.   Instantly I start sobbing.  How can two people that call themselves family be so hateful and unkind.  When I said I would like them to not take her for many reasons, one being a huge slap in the face of my nephew and son who DID graduate and do what they were supposed to do.  Second, what is she going to learn from that?  You can do everything in life that is frowned upon in life and still get rewarded?  Should kids not be accountable for their choices and actions?  At this point I wasn’t even mad at my husband until his next words.  I said, “My parents would never not include your daughter in something!”  His reply, “Your parents couldn’t afford to do something like this for our kids anyway.”  First of all that isn’t the fucking point.  Second of all my parents have money but they aren’t rolling in it like your parents from lawsuits and being sue happy assholes.  So I’m mad at everyone.  My husband then says I think you just need to go to bed.  I think your pregnancy hormones are getting the best of you.    Sigh.  Needless to say I hate everyone.  Maybe I’ll pack up MY kids and go to Hawaii.

Am I over reacting?   And yes.  I’m pregnant.  I just found out.

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30 thoughts on “Life.

  1. You are NOT over reacting. It’s offensive that they are not including your son, and your husbands response it equally rude. Your feelings are valid. Your step daughter should not be going. And your husband should be putting his foot down about that. She had not earned this trip. At. All. Sadly we are facing a generation of very self centered youth and parents/grandparents are partly to blame for giving things to children with no expectations. Giving her this trip only serves to foster a very “entitled” attitude.
    But then, there is. I thing you can do to change it. Share your opinions with your husband but then try to let it go as best you can because you cannot change the minds of the ignorant.

    (my in laws have taken in my oldest as their own grandchild, I was so happy they did and would be livid if they did not. In their minds he is their first and oldest grandchild….unfortunately there are not that many open-minded/open hearted people anymore)

  2. I definitely do not think you over reacted at all, and if I were you and I could afford it I would go to Hawaii or someplace else with my kids. Believe me, I could tell you stories about unfair treatment of my son who was my son when I married my spouse. He was three years old and I have seen so much ill treatment from his mother regarding my son and another adopted son that I gave up on her years ago. Guess who’s not listed in our trust…
    Congrats on your pregnancy! Don’t worry, right now you sound like the sanest thing in that family right now. I get angry just reading your post…

      • You’re not crazy and it’s not your hormones. I hate it when men know you are pregnant and try to blame all of your anger on your hormones. What would he have said it was if it wasn’t your hormones…

  3. honey, insensitivity comes in many forms. “I” think you got a big dose of it.
    I am sorry for your son.
    Over-reaction is not what you have done…mothering? Yes. You are supposed to. And you did it right.
    Take a deep breath of positive…and let go of the negative. You have life within you….no time for extras.

  4. Not over reacting in the slightest, and it is NOT pregnancy hormones, I hate when people alwasy go there…some things are REALLY that bead regardless of hormones. I would be livid too, that is just plain wrong. I feel for your son, I really do. So happy that he’s on the right track, doing so good for himself and his future, that’s an honorable kid you got there, and you should be so proud.

    The trip is a Graduation gift, your step daughter obviously isn’t graduating, the ticket should go to your son. When we marry, we take on each others families as they are, we unite, as ONE, Your in-laws are completely in the wrong on this one.

    Congratulations on your new little bundle 🙂

  5. You’re no over-reacting at all. I would have been furious.

    It’s a Mothers love isn’t it? Someone hurts, or sidelines, or treats unfairly your child and it’s a natural instinct to want to right the wrong.

    I liken the love I have for my son as that a lioness has for her cubs – anyone hurts my cub, boy you will hear me roar.

    Congrats on the baby news! One more cub for Mamma BH! X x

  6. I know and feel your anger here, mainly from suffering things like this first hand. And they aren’t even step family…they are my parents and their parents…direct family, blood family. This whole situation is complete shit!

    Kids are not held accountable for their actions enough, which leads to our current state of the country. Spoiled ass babies that get everything handed to them and never get punished! I grew up in a childhood I wish upon no one, but I learned if I mess up the punishment is big (sometimes worse than it should be), if I want something I work for it, I earn it. Nothing was ever handed to me.

    I know how hard it is to not be angry but I will tell you from my trip to Hawaii (which I saved 4 years for), if you can afford it…take YOUR kids and go!! Best medicine money can buy! I will give you must see places and you will definitely never regret the trip! If you can’t take all the kids now, I highly suggest you at least take your son before he joins the Navy, you won’t regret it. Maybe start your own “graduation trips” as your kids graduate.

  7. Hell-to-thefucking-no, you’re not overreacting. This is complete Bullshit. And honestly, if you did not invite them to the graduation, that isn’t being evil. Those fucks set the standard…fuck them!

    Ugh…I’m pissed reading this, so I can imagine how pissed you are. sigh.
    I just don;t get the mentality of people when it comes to kids….when oh when are people going to realize that when parents (or grandparents, in this case) are fucked up and have fucked up relationships, that it’s NOT the kids’ fault. It is imperative that the kids never feel like they have any responsibility in their parents’ relationships. And the grandparents, in this case, are making an obvious statement about the matter….

  8. Wow. That just sucks! I would be angry too. We have a his/hers/ours situation and I detest any unfairness. My motto is that he married me with a son so we were a package – to his whole family. People are just unfair and it deeply hurts your motherheart. Look after you and bubba. Congrats!

  9. Totally don’t think you are over-reacting! I don’t know why but my Hs parents are weird about the blood line thing too (as I have noticed it applies to me, I’m not their “daughter” and I don’t really count) and it’s just downright dismissive when your parents treat his daughter so well.

    Great vent!

  10. I think you are justified to be hurt. I have been a step-grandchild for 30 years. My parents (mom and stepdad) insisted always thatI was treated the same as biological grandchildren. My mom and stepdad in that situation would have said that is a lovely offer, however if both of our children are not invited, then we will have to decline your offer for both children. Of course, that would require you and your husband to be on the same page with that. And even if they came back and decided to take him, I wouldn’t want him to go anyways, they wouldn’t treat him right while they were in his care.

    You have every right to be hurt. I hate when legitimate feelings get blamed on PMS or pregnancy as way to disregard their legitimacy. Ughh!

    Congratulations on the new baby!

  11. I do not envy the situation you are in. None of it. I have been married to an addict and have an addicted son, so I worry about your family dynamic and what it’s doing to you AND TO YOUR CHILDREN. I was so hoping, after reading your posts of the last several months, that you were leaning towards getting OUT of your marriage. Now you are pregnant again. Of course, bringing a child into the world is always a joyous and miraculous event. I just wish you’d made it out in time. I was very sad reading this post.

  12. Hello, I’ve been following you for a while. I have to say, I love your blog.
    I am in love with a married man, I know it’s not right and I’m trying to forget and to walk away. My MM has three children and they don’t deserve to get hurt. But sometimes is oh so hard just to walk away from somebody you NEED. Or at least you think you do.
    And I don’t think you are overreacting at all. You are absolutely right and I hate when people blame anger on the hormones.
    Congrats on your new bundle of joy!!
    xo

    • I post all comments. Are you saying I put it up and then took it down or I didn’t put it up at all? I only don’t post things when they become super ugly/name calling etc. If it was removed, it was on accident. If it wasn’t posted then I didn’t get it. I am not one sided. Many will tell you that is true. I post all, until like I said it becomes hateful and mean.

      • OK. I wrote as BJDAVIS or BESCHINDLER, I can’t remember which. What I said was that from following you for the past several months, it started to sound like you were going to make a decisive move to get out of your dysfunctional marriage (dysfunctional because he’s an active addict) for your sake and for the sake of your children, who will really pay the price for his addiction, by learned behavior: his, the using, and yours, the not setting an example of getting away from active addiction. When you announced your pregnancy in “LIFE,” I was of course happy for you that you’re bringing a new life into the world, but sad that you didn’t make it out of your marriage in time. That was all I said. Thanks for giving me the chance to say it again. I care about you, even though we’ve emailed only a few times privately. I don’t want to see you sabatoge your life with a man you don’t love and who isn’t good for you or your children. Be well. And, MY pregnancy hormones caused me a great deal of grief that otherwise would have just been an uneasy feeling. Please take care of yourself.

      • Yeah I never saw this comment. As far as sabotaging my marriage for someone I don’t love, I do love him. I have always loved him. I never said I didn’t. He has done a ton better believe it or not. I’m not holding my breath but I am taking it one day at a time. There have been a lot of good days lately and life right now is good. He is trying and I see his effort. I will always love the other just for him being there for me when he was. Its impossible to forget him, nor do I want to. It is a part of what I did, who I am and where I was at one time. The entire situation taught me a lot about myself and showed me exactly what I want and what I deserve. I deserve all of someone if I am going to have any of them.

  13. So not crazy and not overreacting. It sadly reminds me of something in my family when I was a high school senior myself. Sadly there are people like your mother-in law but hopefully there are more like your own parents. Seriously.

    Congrats on your pregnancy. No matter what the haters may say, there’s never been a doubt that you love your children and bringing another into this world is something you will fiercely protect and love. Always. {hugs}

  14. That really was insensitive of your husband to have said that to you and then say you are just not acting like yourself because of your pregnancy hormones… I find it questionable why did you get pregnant again…

    • I didn’t ‘plan’ to get pregnant…. I have to take low dose birth control because of my SEVERE migraines. And when you are on low dose… well things can happen apparently.

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