Is age ‘JUST’ a number?

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Question for all of you. At what age do you feel you were able to clearly think when it came to love. I received an email from a reader, and I would never blog your story unless you told me I could. But I’ve been thinking a lot about her email. She is in a very similar boat as me. Long story short she told me her story and as I read my heart broke because I too know all her feelings. The loneliness, the anger, the jealousy, the excitement, the butterflies…. all of it. And I read and read her story and then I read the one line that I keep thinking about. She is a teenager. Now I don’t want to start judging anyone so I am asking. Can you know love, (really KNOW love) before the age of lets say…. 22? My reply must have sounded like her mother, and for that I feel bad but I have kids older than her. I would just be heart broken if my child was caught up in an affair. UGH. I guess this situation doesn’t choose its ages. I won’t give details on her story because I didn’t ask to blog it, I just am so taken back on a full grown married man (my age) having an affair with a teenager, (she’s of legal age, I will add). She swears up and down that its love and she loves him. I don’t think I knew anything other than a crush until I was 22. So in the comments do two things for me. 1. At what age do you feel you REALLY knew what love was, and 2. Give one example of the age you WERE when you THOUGHT you knew what love was.

1. I don’t think I knew what TRUE love was until I had a child. I know thats a different kind of love but I truly think its the only ‘true’ love I’ve known this far. I do love my husband but have been hurt so much so often by him, and I don’t think true love hurts…. maybe I’m wrong. And I know I love HIM very much. I love so much about him. I just wonder if true love is more so when there is nothing to hide and everything is out there and open and honest. Wait, what am I talking about…. of course it is. I am almost 40 and I think I’m STILL learning what true love is.

I love and miss you all! I am getting a lot more open time now that my youngest blessing is sleeping through the night so my insomnia should get me back to blogging now!

-Her

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9 thoughts on “Is age ‘JUST’ a number?

  1. When I was 18 I got married to someone I didn’t love or really know. Over time I grew to “love him” or so I thought. Really I was trapped in a violent marriage and if I didn’t “love” him then I would have had to admit just how bad things were. Four years of that and I discovered how not only didn’t I love him, I resented every day I had to put up with being hit and treated like some prisoner. Fast forward to when I was 27 and actually fell in love for the first time. I had never thought a person could feel that way before and it was a shock. I’d had lots of crushes up to that point, but they had been just that: crushes.
    I’ve had three children and love each of them so deeply but I do think it’s a different sort of love. I don’t think there is an age by which point one can be said to actually know/feel what love is. I think it is individual to each person and really to the two people involved. Love is also a verb, something we DO which in turn affects how we feel and think. I think it is quite possible some twenty year olds would know love more than someone twice their age, just as there are those who will never understand or know love because their brains simply aren’t wired that way.

  2. I met my husband 13 years ago when I was 18. It has always been insulting when people think you don’t know what love is until a certain age. I get why people can’t relate to it and I know I got really lucky because we both grew in the same direction together so it worked out. I think young love has all the odds stacked up against it but it’s totally possible to feel real love at a young age. My husband is 10 years older btw….

  3. That’s a very tough question. I almost feel like at every age where you “feel” love, you think THAT is the age. Certainly in hindsight, NOW is the proper age and not THEN… but in the thick of it, THEN was the NOW.

  4. 1. So good to hear your voice! And thrilled that your youngest is thriving and sleeping 😀
    2. Excellent question with no right answer but many nuanced answers on a spectrum. I think that we all “know” love in a variety of forms; as we are growing up and as we experience life. Over the years, especially the last few, I’ve come to realize that like you, I’m still learning what love is to me and what I believe it should be for “me”. And, just how much one’s past, and yes, that includes childhood, influences one’s own beliefs. It’s personal, it’s nuanced, it’s complex. While I sometimes lament not knowing what true love is sooner, or discovering that mutual, passionate, love can exist or the painful journey, I don’t know that I would change much because it has led me to the knowledge that such a love exists. If even for the moments I have with him.
    3. Did I mention it’s awesome to hear your voice again?! 🙂 {hugs}

  5. I knew what true love was at 17. I felt it for someone else and knew, without a doubt, that they felt the same about me. It was putting someone else before yourself and knowing you would do anything for them and they would do both in turn , too.

    I thought I knew what it was when I was 17, too. Six years later, I still love the one who first showed me what true love is, and I have no clue why I ever thought it was true love with someone who never gave me the time of day.

    That being said, I got entangled in my affair when I was 19. It wasn’t true love, but it was a special kind of love. We have ceased communication indefinitely.. but I still have love for him.

    Bless the girl’s heart who is so young and involved in an affair. If I could take mine back, I would.

    Hugs. ❤

  6. I thought I knew what love was around the age of 11 lol. Man, I was head over heels for that boy. Funny enough, we reconnected just a couple of years ago and had a short affair (my marriage was open, but it still felt like an affair). I loved him the first time, and I loved him the second. The WAY a jr. high kid loves is different from the way an adult loves, but that doesn’t make it any less true. I loved him as much as was humanly possible for a girl of that age.

    I fell head over heels with a girl when I was in high school. Absolutely, madly, insanely in love. We were best friends. We had total openness. Talked for hours every day. Had a crazy, passionate thing going. Helped each other through depression and losses and trauma and figuring out that neither of us were hetero, as best we could. From 14-16 she was my everything. I loved her, and I still do. We haven’t talked in 7 years, but I still miss her.

    I met my husband at 19. We definitely loved each other then, and still do. It’s an imperfect love, but it has matured over the years. We both made horrible mistakes in the beginning, and we have grown through those. We have a good partnership now, with very little drama.

    I think the definition of love depends on so much more than your age. There are so many components to it. Timing. Feelings. Chemistry. Circumstance. Actions. Commitment. We are all SO flawed and that really colors not only how we give love, but how we perceive it.

    But my kids are 3 and 5, and I know they love me. I know they love me because I can yell at them when I reach my breaking point and they still want to cuddle. They tell me they love me every day, and I tell them the same. All they want is to be near me. And as for me, they drive me mental sometimes but I still can’t help the way my heart softens when I look at their little faces, or when I remember the way their bodies used to sink against mine when they were just fresh from the oven. I know I love them because even when I know spending time with them will have its trials, I still need to do it every day. If I don’t talk to them and hold them, I feel like something fundamental is missing.

    So when it comes to love, I think that age IS just a number. A newborn recognizes its mothers voice from the get-go.

  7. 20 years age difference with the younger being a teenager, means that she is being used and preyed upon my someone much more experienced. of course she loves him. but she doesn’t understand the implications of her actions or the value she has in a relationship because of the power imbalance. This affair is untenable and will set her up for either a sexual fetish to older men who she can never have or it will suck away the next 10 years of her life where she changes who she is and what she wants to suit a man who can not offer her anything other than what he has left over. if she were older or he was younger, and he was transitioning out of the marriage. then perhaps i’d feel differently. as it stands, she is in for a world of pain and it will impact her personal relationship development in the future.

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