When people say that they don’t know how ‘it’ happened, that ‘it’ just kind of ‘did’- that statement couldn’t be more true. ‘It’ happened. I, a married, mother of many, fell in love with a married, father of many. It started as talking… started as connecting, turned to venting, comforting, listening, laughing, learning, exploring and ended in learning to love what you can’t have, what isn’t yours. We did nothing but talk for the first six months. I quickly learned that I loved another man. A married man! I didn’t see myself as a ‘affair having person.’
My husband and I had the perfect marriage in the beginning. He started hanging out with old friends that started a band. The band lead to drinking and DUI’s and an addiction to pain pills. It is a battle we still battle. It lead to him being gone for almost two years. It was during that time that I had my affair. I wish I could make everything better and we have tried many times. I haven’t given up yet. So we are working hard to save and repair our marriage. My husband is giving up being away and his addiction (pain killers) and I am giving up HIM, the married man I had a full blown nearly two year affair with. Neither my husband or myself expected it to be this hard. I miss HIM everyday. I see HIM in everything. I will never, EVER forget HIM. We, (HIM and I) agreed to choose our marriages and respectfully walk away from each other, remembering and loving June of 2010 until October 2011 forever.
If you are wondering what made me want to use the picture at the top of my blog, (because a lot of people have asked), It has great meaning to me. It is just a random picture I found. But for my life, my blog, I love this picture. Here is why I like it.
#1. It’s a woman and I am a woman.
#2. She is naked. This was important to me NOT because my blog is sexual but because it is raw and out there and nothing is covered up, everything is exposed. Like it or not this is my story. Naked and real.
#3. She has her arms stretched out in two directions. I wish I was good at photo editing… I’d put a MM (married man) under one of her palms and a MH (my husband) under her other. I love how if their pictures or their names fell under her palms and her arms are stretched out to them, it appears to be a S-T-R-E-T-C-H or hard work to reach either man. Which if you follow my blog you know is true.
#4. I love that the picture is grey. Not black (your married) Not white, (your having an affair). That GREY area. That I am married, but he is never home and I loved a married man GREY area. Does that make sense?
#5. This may be one of the weirdest reasons I like this picture. I am not blonde and I do not have long hair. I like sometimes looking at my situation from outside the box. Like my life would be someone else’s… what would I tell someone, how would I think if someone I knew was having an affair…. I know that seems crazy but I like blogging about me, but I try to make myself a character, because its so hard to well,…. talk about ourselves a lot.
So know that the picture I picked has meaning. I love it. I just wanted you guys to know why I picked it and why it’s important to me.