A Decade of Emotions.

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Affairs.  Yuck.  All sides are just yuck.  Sounds like a primary statement, however trust me it is so not a primary subject.  Complex doesn’t even scratch the surface.

Squares.  Such a seemingly simple shape.  But oh it has some sharp points.  Four sides.  Four hearts.  Four sets of emotions.  And I didn’t believe my teacher when he said we would use algebra in our adult lives.  Perfect example, though maybe not a math lesson for your teens.

So I haven’t been on here in a while but I am still here.   I think it is safe to say once an affair is had, regardless of which party you are, it never goes away.  The feelings, the trust issues, the triggers, the heartache. The loss, the longing, the desire, the loneliness.  The feeling like there is still love out there for you.  The desire to love what is or isn’t yours to love.

I have kind of stopped blogging here because well, lets be honest…. you can only say so much. It is what it is.  I wouldn’t call myself an expert by any means but I have been there and done that.  I know how badly (WE) it hurt HIS wife.  I know my husband blamed (blames) himself.  I know that I felt differently about affairs until I found those shoes on my feet.  Am I a bad person?  NO.  I’m human.  The bad part is not being real with yourself.  Not being able to let go. HE as you know has moved away.  Out of state.  Nothing physically happens anymore but its like a best friend you can’t just turn your back on.  I loved this person with my entire heart for so long how do you walk away from that? This is where I still have an issue.   My husband still struggles with addiction.  This is where he still has an issue.   His wife still treats him like a child and talks down to him and calls him names.  She has massive trust issues, (I don’t blame her and I feel very, very guilty for this), This is where she still has an issue.  HE feels alone and not like he is needed.  He feels like he can not please her in any way.  In major or minor details of his life.  This is where HE still has an issue.  So yes, ten (TEN) years later (this June) we are ALL still dealing with the situation.

I miss emails from those of you who have been there and done this.  All of you.  Those of you who made these choices, healed from them and survived.  Those of you who are broken and finding yourself right in the middle of it, and those of you who are trying not to go there at all.  Reading up on the heartache to not make a choice that changes so much.

If I was the writer of a dictionary, I would define affair as a choice FOUR people make.., (no joke all four people play a role). A choice that has a bipolar moments and outcomes.  Massive highs and devastating lows.  A bipolar roller coaster, for all four sides.

I miss all of you.  I hope you are well. I’d love to hear from you all again!  Say hello!

-Her.